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-What are attachment styles?

-How do attachment styles relate to codependency?

-How can we navigate the positive and negative impacts of attachment styles on our relationship?

Welcome to Episode 123! This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Elizabeth Polinsky, LMC, all about attachment styles. Liz educates us on the four types of attachment style: avoidant, disorganized, anxious, and secure. She describes the similarities between anxious attachment style and codependency (since we often are anxious in our relationships, right?). We then explore how attachment styles impact our intimate romantic relationships. Liz shares about her work with couples and how she helps them learn to cope together, foster healthy dependency, and mprove communication. We conclude with hearing the initial steps Liz takes with her clients to help them navigate their attachment style in relationships. It’s a must-listen!

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More on this week’s guest:

Elizabeth “Liz” Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and Marriage Counselor practicing in Virginia Beach, Virginia. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples. She is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.

More deets on the episode:

Liz shares her definition of codependency and describes why she doesn’t like the term! However, she often sees it as a pattern where one partner gives up themselves to the other.
She opens up about codependency in a former relationship where she worried about conflict, feared being rejected, and did her best not to rock the boat which led to dire consequences.

We then focus on Liz’s specialty of attachment styles. What is ‘attachment style?’ Liz teaches us about anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure attachment styles. The one that is most aligned with codependency is anxious: a template for how I cope by being perfect, needed, caretaking, etc.

And what happens when we are in relationships with others who have opposing attachment style? There’s stress! Liz spells out how, due to the threat of loss, our attachment style comes “online” and we often end up in a pursue-withdraw pattern. How do we change this to a pattern of ‘coping with?’ Liz works with her clients on becoming more flexible, emotionally aware, and cultivating a healthy dependency.

We conclude with hearing initial steps: understand the pattern (trigger, emotion, meaning, protective behavior, a.k.a, TEMP) and create a secure bond. Simple but not easy!

Thanks for coming on Liz! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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