Find the podcast on:
-How and why do codependents have difficulty setting boundaries–especially physical?
-What are the consequences of poor physical boundaries?
-When an we trust intuition in setting boundaries?
In this week’s episode, Marissa discusses the ever-elusive concept of B O U N D A R I E S, specifically physical ones. You’ll hear about where we learn boundaries, the different types (since there are SO many), and what makes it so hard for codependents to set healthy boundaries for themselves and their bodies. Marissa recalls a butt massage she received thanks to her poor physical boundaries in hopes that you won’t have to endure the same awkward and inappropriate experience. It’s a must-listen!
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More deets on this week’s episode:
PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES: invisible and symbolic force fields that have three purposes: first, to keep people from coming into your space and abusing you; second, to keep you from going into the space of others and abusing them; and third, to give you a way to embody your sense of self, of “who you are “ – Pia Mellody in Facing Codependency.
There are many types of boundaries:
Physical boundaries are:
-often modeled to us by our parents and other authority figures in our lives.
“Codependents demonstrate the boundary systems that their parents had” – Pia Mellody
Why BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT:
You don’t get walked (or trampled on)
You’re able to thus be present
You’re able to thus focus on the task at hand
You’re thus more efficient, effective, and energized
You don’t have to deal with the effort it takes to move someone out of your boundary then repair or replace the damaged areas.
According to Pia Melody, intact boundaries enable you to have true intimacy in your life when you choose while also being protected from being abused physically, emotionally, spiritually, time-wise, etc.
Where my poor physical boundary led me to with chiropractors: Mr. Chatty versus Mr. Creepy.
I couldn’t tell Mr. Chatty that he talked too much.
I couldn’t tell Mr. Creepy that his behavior was inappropriate and causing me discomfort. It ultimately ended in my butt massage, making another appointment, calling my twin sister to tell her what happened, then FINALLY stopping my visits to him.
This is what happens when we fail to honor our boundaries: butt massages from creepy chiropractors. I can point the finger at him all day but I also want to look at my part, my contribution, where I was responsible: I should have given myself permission to first sign up creepiness or mentioned it to my sister rather than wait several appointments and a butt massage later.
Questions for homework:
Who, if anyone in your life, is violating your physical boundaries?
In what ways are you trying to avoid, hint at, or passively assert them?
What would you prefer their physical contact with you looked like?
How can you trust that this gut-reaction for a physical boundary is okay to set?
How can you go about setting it this week?
Thanks for listening!
@therapywithmarissa on IG
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