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-With babies being naturally dependent on mothers, how can that dependency become codependency as children get older?

-How can motherhood serve as fertile soil for codependent relationships between mothers and their children?

-What are some initial steps we (as young women) can start to take to lessen our codependency on our moms AND avoid creating codependent relationships with our future children?

In this episode, I sat down with Yuliya Golubev, LHMC, CASAC, to discuss how codependency relates to perinatal mental health. What’s perinatal health? The aspects of mental health that relate to pregnancy: before, during, and after giving birth to a child. Yuliya specializes in working with young women who are becoming new moms and she’s also been a new mom! She shares ways that the dependency in children can, if we are not careful, turn into codependency as they get older. Hear how Yuliya helps her clients become aware of their codependent patterns in order to create healthier relationships. She also adds how adult women can stop being codependent with their mothers. It’s a must-listen!

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About Yuliya:

Yuliya Golubev is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of New York. She runs her private practice where she supports millennial women going through major life transitions and also provides support for those on the parenthood journey.

@golubevtherapy on IG

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Want to come on the show: email

More deets on the episode:

We start with hearing about Yuliya’s definition of codependency. She emphasizes how codependents often become “rigid” in the way they interact with others where they lack flexibility. Can you relate? Yuliya opens up about ways she was raised in a collectivistic culture which contributed to her codependency since she learned to think of others more than herself.

Yuliya shares examples of feeling codependent with her own children when she was a new mom. She talks about practicing self-care, however, how she “wasn’t present and I was thinking about my kids the whole time.” THIS IS SUCH A GREAT OBSERVATION, YES? Just because we start to take care of ourselves and stop being such codependendummies does not mean that we won’t experience self-doubt, anxiety, or difficulties in creating new and healthier patterns.

Yuliya then describes how motherhood can be the fertile soil of codependency. Since infants are so dependent on their mothers, it’s possible that a mother may become codependent with her children if she keeps putting their needs before her own.

We conclude with Yuliya sharing about ways new moms can avoid being codependent with their children through AWARENESS. She provides some great questions for all of us to reflect on to help us become conscious of our codependent interactions. She also shares ways we, as young women, can combat codependent relationships with our mothers even if we are way older than infants!

Questions for you:

What comes up when you hear Yuliya’s examples of codependency? Do you relate to feeling guilty when you practice a new behavior that combats your codependency?
If you’re a mom, how did you navigate the dependency your infant child had on you when they started to grow older?
If you’re not a mom, how do you sense you may become codependent with your children if you aren’t aware of yourself and how you are interacting with them?
Are you a grown-ass woman and still codependent with your mom? Your dad? How can you bring more awareness to those relationships?
How are you doing?! Feel free to email me, Marissa, with an update or a request for the show–I’m all ears!
Thank you for listening!

Marissa’s info:

@therapywithmarissa on IG

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