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***Trying out a new title for this segment–whaddya think?***
How codependent could Marissa get in her relationship with an ex-boyfriend?
How does Olivia Rodrigo’s song, “Favorite Crime,” provide the quintessential experience of a codependummy in an intimate relationship?
How can we put a stop to resonating with the saddest and thirstiest love songs?
Welcome to The Codependummy Anthem #1: Part II, where I will continue with the new segment introduced last week that involves me breaking down a song that is quintessentially codependent. In this week’s episode, I add to my discussion of “Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo (see Part I if you’re late to the party). I’m taking the lyrics and applying them to my saddest, thirstiest, and most codependent intimate relationship I had in my early 20s. I’ll discuss ways I related to the lyrics, how I was reinforced by others and society to stay in the relationship, and what you can start to do to stop resonating so much with these dang codependent songs!
Thanks for listening!
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Deets on the episode:
Welcome The Codependummy Anthem #1: Part II. I asked for your votes and my twin sister is the only one who voted and she suggested Codependummy Anthem–what are your thoughts? Feel free to share your feedback. In this new segment, which I will incorporate into the rotation of episode topics (solocasts, interviews, codependummy dilemma), I pick a song that resonates with aspects of codependency; second, I will take said song and break it down and it’s quintessential codependent-ness; and third, I will try and find ways to help you stop resonating so much with this song since you aren’t being a codendummy but a codependiamond.
In last week and this week’s episode, I am analyzing “Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo.
If you want to email in some of your sad, codependent secrets, please do at marissa@codependummy.com.
Are you doing the self-validation challenge? Listen to the episode that aired June 21 for deets.
“Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo. I’ll put a link to the song in the show notes. https://open.spotify.com/track/5JCoSi02qi3jJeHdZXMmR8?si=8af6da99ae424658
I don’t have permission to play it so you will have to give it a listen now or after the episode.
Situation: the 14-month dating relationship I had at 21. Last week, I discussed the first four-ish months. This episode I will be discussing the next two–just the next two since the entire relationship was brutal but I’m keeping it simple.
Context: I’m going to continue to interweave the psychological phenomena “compulsion to repeat” or “repetition compulsion.” If you keep finding yourself in the same situation at work, in your relationship, with friends, what trauma may you be trying to “master?”
Let’s break the lyrics down and apply them to the relationship in a timeline:
“And now every time a siren sounds, I wonder if you’re around ‘cause you know I’d do it all again.”
The relationship got so bad that I needed to start implementing some serious boundaries. But, even after I did, I yearned for him to break them. Every time a “siren” sounded, I wished it was him: every time my phone pinged, I hoped it was him. Every time I’d log onto facebook, I’d see if he had updated his profile. When my roommates and I had our annual Friendsgiving the next week or so, I wished and hoped that he’d show up in a romantic gesture and pledge his undying love for me. I checked my phone constantly. I thought about him constantly. I’d wonder if he was around constantly.
Deep down, despite all the BS of the relationship–he and I both knew: I would do it all again.
“Look what we became.”
Me sobbing on the floor of my tiny room on the cliff overlooking the ocean while 30 people are outside, including my best friend, roommates, and cute/single guys, and I’m missing a boy who never fully committed to me despite all the things I did those first 3-4 months of the relationship.
Just the saddest, thirstiest, down, blue, depressed, lonely girl in the world feeling.
What we became? Super dysfunctional. Boundary violators. Addicts. Dependents. Codependent. Having sex while we are not committed to each other, while he’s still in contact with his ex-girlfriend trying to decide between her and me, and violating my boundary that I established thanks to my letter being completely ignored by him and I..
Compulsion to repeat: the tendency of an individual to expose herself again and again to a distressing or painful situation, although she has forgotten of origins of the compulsion. To overcome, it involves an effort to break the cycle of repetition by helping her become conscious of it, process the original trauma, so she doesn’t have to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
More and final analyzing of Olivia’s song next week!
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