Find the podcast on:



This is the third installment of the new segment!

How come codependents are always trying to be “the favorite?”

How does Olivia Rodrigo’s song, “Favorite Crime,” encapsulate so many aspects of codependency?

How can you put a stop to resonating with the saddest and thirstiest love songs?

Thanks for listening!

Be sure to follow me on instagram @therapywithmarissa

“Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo:

Deets on the episode:

Geez Louise, this has been the never-ending-new-segment, right?

This week, I conclude our discussion of Olivia Rodrigo’s song, “Favorite Crime,” by breaking it down, applying it to a past relationship, and helping you stop resonating so much with codependent-laden songs like this.

We are using my working definition of codependency “a way of being where one prioritizes the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others in an unconscious attempt to fulfill their own thoughts, feelings, and needs.” I also tie in the psychological phenomena “compulsion to repeat,” which is a term coined by Freud that suggests we have a tendency to expose ourselves again and again (compulsion) to a distressing or painful situation, although we have forgotten the original situation of the compulsion.

Please note: If something went down when you were little, whether you remember it or not, it’s likely still affecting you today. If you keep finding yourself in the same situations over and over, especially in your romantic, professional, and social relationships, it’s likely to be related to a painful and traumatic situation in your past.

Second to last lyric: Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

After an on-again-off-again six month relationship with Ex-boyfriend, I finally was chosen as his favorite (a.k.a, his favorite crime). Not the ex-girlfriend who had been interacting with him for the past two months–he was choosing me. Yes!

This was just what my codependummy heart had been wanting the whole time we had dated.

…But, that compulsion to repeat is real. Unconsciously, I found a guy who put me in a situation that reminded me of what had been familiar about love throughout my childhood: I was being compared to another girl. I was in competition for attention, affection, and approval with another girl. And, like I felt like I had before, I found someone who wouldn’t choose me like I hadn’t been chosen before.

Last lyric: ‘Cause baby, you were mine

36-hours later, he called to tell me he had changed his mind: he chose his ex-girlfriend.

I had put his feelings, wants, and needs above my own and I was unconsciously hoping (and maybe sometimes semi-consciously) hoping that, by doing that, I’d fulfill my own feelings, wants, and needs for love.

‘Cause baby, you were mine (favorite crime). I picked him. Over and over and over again, despite all the ups and downs, I had picked him.

*The end of the analysis of Olivia Rodrigo’s song. Phew!*

So, how can we stop resonating with these songs? How can we stop singing to them like they are anthems?

You need to go to the source.

What’s familiar about this song in your past?

To overcome the compulsion to repeat, meaning to overcome our codependency, we have to find out where it truly comes from.

I’m not Olivia Rodrigo’s therapist. BUT, I wonder, if I sat her down and took her history, I would find that the lyrics she sings about boys may also be applied to significant relationships in her past (e.g., her mom and dad).

If we are stuck in repetition compulsion, then who are we actually singing about with these songs?

For me, the lyrics could easily be as follows:

All the things I did–mom and dad– just so I could call you mine.

I hope I was your favorite (daughter, person, human, baby, girl).

Your homework is to a) identify your favorite sad, codependent song; b) email me what it is so I can possibly unpack it here on the podcast at and c) listen to it and ask yourself: what about this song, the lyrics, and the emotions expressed remind me of something from my past?

Helpful links:

“Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo:

How to leave a rating and review:

Want to work with me? Go to