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How can we learn from our favorite songs that resonate with our codependent ways?

What can Olivia Rodrigo’s song “Favorite Crime” shed light on with our codependency?

Welcome to The Codependummy Playlist: a new segment where I break down a song that is quintessentially codependent. In this week’s episode, I discuss “Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo. If you haven’t heard of her or her new album, you are welcome my dear codependummy. When I heard it, I thought “I’ve got to dissect this on the podcast.” Alas, here we are. This is the first of many episodes where I will take a song, break it down to highlight the codependency depicted in it, and help you stop making it an anthem but rather an “old song you used to like.” Here goes it girl!

Thanks for listening!

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Deets on the episode:

Welcome The Codependummy Playlist! This is Part 1. In this new segment, I will: first, pick a song that I like that resonates with codependency; second, I will take said song and break it down and it’s quintessential codependent-ness; and third, I will try and find ways to help you stop resonating so much with this song since you aren’t being a codendummy but a codependiamond. T

In this week’s episode, I analyze “Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo (please submit votes for what to call this segment: The Codependummy Anthem, The Codependummy Theme Song, or DJ Codependummy to

How are we defining codependency today? I define it as “a way of being where one prioritizes the feelings, wants, and needs of another in an unconscious attempt to fulfill their own feelings, wants and needs.” I also pull from David Malan, a British psychologist who defines dependence as “an intense need in relation to human beings.” From that, we can describe co-dependent as two individuals with an intense need in relation to each other.

“Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo:

I don’t have permission to play it so you will have to give it a listen now or after the episode.

Situation: the 14-month dating relationship I had at 21. I just discuss the first four months. The entire thing was brutal but I’m keeping it simple and discuss the first 1/3rd of the relationship.

Context: I interweave the psychological phenomena “compulsion to repeat” or “repetition compulsion.” According to Freud, this happens when a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. For example, traumatic repetitions could be seen as the result of an attempt to retrospectively “master” the original trauma. It’s not conscious, not logical, irrational, and non-sense.

How did we meet? One-night stand! What comes up as I share the details?

Let’s break the lyrics down and apply them to the relationship in a timeline:

“Know that I loved you so bad, I let you treat me like that. I was your willing accomplice honey.”

I apparently lusted him so bad after just meeting him since I was, indeed, his willing accomplice in our break-in. I disappointed my roommates, disappointed myself, but, when he reached out, I engaged.

I let him treat me poorly when we went to a house party and he grabbed my thong through my dress and snapped it. Ugh. We proceeded to hang out then go back to my place to have sex. No condom either. I’m sorry everyone. I let him treat me like that.

“The things I did, just so I could call you mine. The things you did.”

The things I did: I went all out and dressed up as Lady Gaga to a rave! X’s on my breasts, goggles as sunglasses, and a black tutu.

I tolerated him texting his ex-girlfriend the evening we were out at said rave.

The things I did after that? With my blessing, I let him go visit her.

“Crossed my heart as you crossed the line and I defended you to all my friends.”

I am yours baby. I crossed my heart. “I feel so safe with you.”…safe? The interactions we had were familiar to me.

I defended him. I defended the controversy he got himself caught up in, I defended him to the people who knew about the controversy, the fact that he didn’t know who he wanted to be with, and his jerk behavior.

I slept with someone else, so thus, I have no legs to stand on when it came to how he was treating me.

Do you know how you avoid the compulsion to repeat? Once you become conscious of what you are doing, even semi-conscious, you disengage.

I’ll share more on an upcoming episode how I set up boundaries, saw myself at a fork in the road where I could have chosen myself or chosen him–and I chose him. The healing comes when we see that fork and we choose ourselves.

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