Find the podcast on:
What hints can we gather about our codependency through how we communicate with others, like saying “we” instead of “me” all the time?
How do we look back at the roots of our codependency in order to grow?
Why repeatedly asking ourselves “How does this serve me?” will help us communicate better with ourselves and others?
In this week’s episode, Marissa sits down with Ana Robles, Master NLP Coach, to hear about ways codependents can improve how they communicate with themselves and others. Ana shares about her use of NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, with her coaching clients and how it truly helps them become more conscious and aware of what they and others are communicating. Ana also reveals with us how she works with her coaching clients to investigate the “significant event” in their life that often contributes to limiting beliefs about themselves, which can manifest in a variety of ways, including codependency. We conclude with Marissa asking Ana about questions we can ask ourselves to get clear on what we want and say “yes” to ourselves. It’s a must-listen!
About this week’s guest: Ana Robles is a coach helping entrepreneurs, career minded individuals design and create the life they dream of and desire in business and in their personal life by bringing clarity, removing the negative self-talk, and developing the systems necessary to design the life they desire and deserve.
Ana’s contact info:
Ana’s SUCCESS BOOT CAMP: September 25, 2021 at 10am PST – https://yosoyamazing.com/our-event/
More details on this week’s episode:
How does Ana define codependency?
“Codependency is someone who is not able to function on their own thinking and whose thinking and behavior is organized around another person, process, or substance.” She discusses how many codependents fail to prioritize their own needs and are obsessively preoccupied with the needs of others.
Does Ana have any experiences of codependency from her own life?
Yes! Ana discusses how she was dependent on coffee, in her family, and in other relationships. “I have put others first instead of my own happiness.” Ana shares how she would put herself second, say “no” to herself by saying “yes” to others and basing her happiness on them.
“I learned to say yes to me and no to what wasn’t fulfilling me.” Ana expands on her relationships in her family–being the planner, helper, and going where they wanted her to go.
With her coaching clients, what are some auditory, visual, behavioral cues she’s witnessed as “red flags” for codependent behavior?
Ana describes how she has clients who are struggling with THEIR SCHEDULING due to codependency: “I can’t do this…I have to put my life on hold…because I need to do X for another person.” Ana shares how she perceives this as their life is put on hold for someone else.
Besides scheduling, she sees her client’s have SELF-WORTH based on someone else’s opinion. They select their clothing, make choices, and are always PLEASING, PLEASING, PLEASING. Ana adds how worthiness is also a “red flag” for her when she hears her coaching clients seek worth through the opinion of others.
“I feel that it’s always a cycle. You can remove part of it, yet, it will show up in life again until you get the lesson you’re supposed to get. It’s about finding the significant experience in your life, work through it, then apply that for the rest of your life so you can let go of what doesn’t serve you.”
How does Ana witness codependency blocking clarity, worsen negative self-talk, lead us to design a life others desire for us?
“When we are being codependent on someone else’s dreams, goals, desires, we are so focused on what that person wants and needs. We give so much to that other person…because we want to please them. What happens internally is we aren’t filling our cup and we are so empty that we’re not open to allow creativity, growth, abundance to flow in.”
“As a coach, I get to ask the hard questions. I do it in a loving way so I can ask what you really are saying since you might not hear yourself. I then can lead you where you really want to be led.”
What is NLP?!
“NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is about learning how to communicate and understand the communication of others.” NLP is about teaching us how to communicate with everyone and the emotional components when we don’t properly communicate: it’s mental, emotional, and psychology based. It’s about understanding our internal operating system, our unconscious mind, and how that is and has affected our life.
How does Ana use NLP to help her clients work through significant past events?
“When I’m working with clients, we figure out when they created a limiting belief/decision about themselves.” Ana helps them tap into their unconscious mind and take the positive out of that experience.
Ana describes how she begins with a belief, looks at all the experiences related to it, and then how one can change how they interact with others thanks to creating a new belief/a new way of interacting with others.
How can codependents be empowered through NLP?
“With NLP, there are so many different tools.” When Ana works with a codependent client, she helps empower them through other tools like anchoring, reframing, linguistics, and so on. She helps her clients figure out what the root is and re-programming, reframing, and giving them different tools so they can interact differently with others. “It’s about helping them step into their excellence.”
How does Ana avoid breeding codependency in her coaching clients?
“It’s about empowering them.” She discusses how she has her boundaries and also does all she can to empower her clients so they aren’t so dependent on her. She wants them to create independent, self-reliant, and intuitive choices that she supports. Ana does not want her clients calling her all the time–she gives them homework, “pulls out their excellence,” and helps them get in touch with themselves. That way, they aren’t heavily reliant on her all the time and can start to create changes in their life that are sustainable.
What’s one tool Ana recommends we use to combat our codependency?
“Ask yourself: how does this serve me?” She expands and describes how, if it doesn’t serve you, then ask yourself “What do I need to do to put myself first?” It’s hard but she wants to help people get in touch with how the actions they are taking are serving or not serving them. “Am I saying yes or no to me?” If you are saying “no” to yourself, then you need to make changes to start saying “yes” to yourself. Or ask yourself “How is this making me feel?” If it’s making you feel uncomfortable, Ana highlights how we have to listen to that part–the feeling–and honor that instead of keep ignoring ourselves. “What do I need to do to put myself first?”
Any other NLP wisdom to share?
“NLP is a vehicle, or a tool, that if you use it…you’ll have a new way of communicating.” Ana describes the changes you will start to make in your communication and how much more aware you’ll be while in conversation with yourself and others. “If I can impact one person and that person can impact another, this world can be different…it’s always about making things better for others.”
As always, thank you for listening!