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-What is the Gottman Method and how does the approach help treat codependency in couples?
-Why do we get caught in cycles of criticism-defensiveness if and when we try to communicate our thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs?
-How do we differentiate between accepting versus trying to control or change others? And how can we start our path towards acceptance?
Welcome to Episode 101! In this episode, Jeremy Treat, LMFT, shares with us about The Gottman Method, a therapeutic approach to provide couples therapy and how it can help us with our codependency. You’ll hear Jeremy discuss key aspects of The Gottman Method that relate to codependency, including the criticism-defensiveness cycle and the four horseman in conflicts: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. We highlight how codependents often feel contempt towards others as a result of not getting their needs me. To end, Jeremy reveals steps we can take to combat codependent patterns in our relationships, including the ever-elusive skill of listening. This episode is a must-listen!
More on this episode’s guest:
Jeremy Treat is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Pasadena, Ca, specializing in couples counseling with the Gottman Method. Jeremy helps couples re-ignite the spark by listening to each other more carefully, undertanding each other more deeply, and building new skills to relate to each other in reliably positive ways.
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More deets on the episode:
How does Jeremy define the term “codependency?” Taking care of other people while sacrificing your relationship with yourself. He offers how codependency is one side of a spectrum that includes independence, interdependence, and codependence and highlights how, depending on the relationship, we may lean more towards codependent behaviors.
And what about Jeremy’s perception of “interdependence?” He encourages us to ask ourselves ‘how do I maintain myself as a complete person while being with another?’ and remember that, when in a relationship, there are two individuals that make the sum greater than it’s parts.
We move on to hear about Jeremy’s work with couples using The Gottman Method, a form of couples therapy created by John and Julie Gottman. Like building a house, the Gottman’s argue that relationships must have a strong foundation made up of friendship and healthy conflict.
Jeremy educates us on the criticsm-defensiveness cycle and ways that codependents get stuck in these patterns with others, especially partners. He details the four horseman in conflict: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. We explore how codependents, due to our avoidance of conflict, often become contemptuous with partners. He should just know what I want, right?
We conclude with advice from Jeremy on how he helps couples break these codependent patterns: being able to articulate their thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs and via LISTENING. Gottman’s focus on: friendship, healthy conflict, and creating a legacy. Here’s a link to the Buddhist teacher he mentioned to help with compassion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbLEf4HR74E
Thanks for coming on Jeremy!
And thank you, dear listener, for listening!
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-The Self-Validation Challenge – free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: http://www.codependummy.com/challenge
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