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-Where do we begin with getting real, honest, and real honest about our pasts?

-What gets in the way of being honest about the roots of our codependency (and how does that keep us codependent)?

-When, why, and how can we start to tell our truth, even if it involves others like our parents?

In this episode, I have the honor and privilege to sit down with Paul Gilmartin, Host of Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. Paul shares about his codependency and what that has looked like for him before and after he joined 12-step recovery programs. You’ll also hear how Paul cultivated the courage to talk openly about his past, including his relationship with his mother, despite having a codependent relationship with her. How does a codependent tell their truth if and when it involves being hurt by those they are most codependent with? Tune in to hear Paul’s journey to telling his truth. Thanks for listening!

About Paul:

-Paul Gilmartin is the Host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast:

-He has amazing surveys for listeners to fill out anonymously. They may help you tell your truth! Go here to check out different survey topics:

-Here’s the episode where Paul interviewed me on codependency this past summer:

Helpful links:

Want to come on the show: email

More deets on the episode:

We start with hearing about Paul’s definition of codependency and he shares about his codependent experiences. Paul talks about ways he was codependent with his mother and how, due to his father’s alcoholism, he felt like he had to play the role as her emotional support.

Paul discusses what codependency in his life looked like before and after he started attending 12-step meetings and support groups. He shares about the empathy, support, and encouragement he received in his meetings as well as from therapy which helped him share honestly about the antecedents to his mental health struggles.

I then ask Paul about how he was able to share openly on his podcast about his past, particularly his relationship with his mother. Paul reveals how it was the culmination of therapy, support groups, finding supportive friends, having guests on talking about their pasts, reading listeners stories about what they had been through, and other factors related to his healing that led him to open up about his past.

How did he start to talk so openly about his mom? As you hear, there is no easy formula. It’s messy. “And it’s not about demonizing people. I just have to share my truth.” You’ll hear about my own realizations about what I have had to share thanks to all our guests and listeners talking about the connections between our childhood, family, and past trauma with the development of codependency in adulthood.

We conclude with Paul sharing about one of his favorite coping skills: LAYING DOWN. What coping skill are you already utilizing that works? No, you may not read about it on some “Top 10 Coping Skills” list–but if it’s working for you, I encourage you to keep doing it and do it more often if possible!

Questions for you:

What comes up when you think about ways your mom and dad contributed to your codependent behaviors?
Do you blame your parents for your codependency? Do you see how their actions contributed to your codependency developing? Or do you sense they did the best they could and it’s up to you to heal from codependency?
If you had a platform like this podcast, would you talk openly about your relationship with your parents & family or not? If so, how come? If not, why not?
Where do you sense you are in your journey in talking openly with others about what you have been through? What have you been met with in response by others when you have spoken honestly?
Thank you for listening!

Marissa’s info:

@therapywithmarissa on IG

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