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-What is it about the saddest and most pathetic songs and codependency?
-What happens when we keep relating to codependent songs in our relationship with others and ourselves?
-How can we reject messages like those in “Love Me” and prioritize self-reliance, self-love, and self-care?
In this week’s episode, we are back with DJ CODEPENDUMMY Part II where we analyze “Love Me” by The Cardigans. Marissa will continue to apply the song to a codependent relationship in her past to help build your awareness of codependency in your own life. The ultimate goal of this segment is to help us distance ourselves from relating to these sad codependent songs. Instead of singing to these lyrics full of heartbreak and dependency, let’s look for songs that inspire our empowerment so we can stop playing small and start taking up space!
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More deets on this week’s episode:
D D D D DJ CODEPENDUMMY. PART II.
Let’s look at my behavior through a lens from Alfred Adler’s writings:
-Living in fear of one’s relationships falling apart is an unfree way to live, in which one is living for other people.
-It is true that there is no person who wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: What should one do to not be disliked by anyone? There is only one answer: It is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings while swearing loyalty to all of them…If one is living in a such a way as to satisfy other people’s expectations, and one is entrusting one’s own life to others, that is a way of living in which one is lying to oneself and continuing that lying to include the people around one.
Ex-boyfriend’s pseudonym is Kid Cudi for your reference.
First lyric for Part II:
I don’t care if you really care
As long as you don’t go
I share how, despite ongoing problems, I stayed in the relationship and did my utmost for him to stay as well. We would have small breaks and then he turned into an almost-stalker but I thought it was very romantic. We both were very codependent with each other and could not get rid of each other. The most codependent aspect of this lyric is the fact that we codependents just need someone around. It doesn’t matter if they care–we just can never be alone.
Second lyric for Part II:
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can’t care ’bout anything but you
During one of our many break-ups, I actually had a very exciting experience where I made out with a fellow classmate who I’d secretly had a crush on FOR YEARS. But even that, even the success of making out with this guy who I called Mr. Perfect, was not enough to distract me from my codependency with Kid Cudi. I truly did not care about anything but him and kept my eyes on that prize rather than on other potential partners who were much nicer, more available, and kind. The most codependent part of this lyric is seen in the not caring about anything but him. We codependents neglect ourselves and our relationships all for one codependent relationship we hope will deliver all our contentment. It’s a lie and we need to let go of this pattern.
-we obsess over others while neglecting ourselves – what does he want? As opposed to what do I want?
-we tolerate being mistreated and feel deserving of it while indebted by others because of it
-we lack trust of others and, rather than address it headon, we poke around to confirm our suspicions
-we relinquish responsibility of our happiness to others, or another, and act like we have absolutely no autonomy
Questions for you:
How do you relate?
What have the lyrics of this song looked like in your life?
How can we apply these lyrics now?
Ideally – how can you love, need, not fool, care about yourself?
Thank you for listening!
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