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-We use the term all the time but what is “gaslighting” and how does it relate to codependency?
-How and why may codependents be more vulnerable to gaslighting (from partners, parents, pals, and peers alike)?
-What are the steps we can take to combat gaslighting in our relationships?
Welcome to episode 92! This week, we are taking a deep dive into the world of G A S L I G H T I N G with Dr. Deborah Vinall, Phd, LMFT. From Debroah, we learn what “gaslighting” means (as it is an over-used and under-understood term) and how it shows up in our codependent relationships. I ask Deborah for helpful examples of what gaslighting is and what it isn’t in order to help you see how it may be showing up in your life. To conclude, Deborah provides us with 4 key steps to end the insanity of gaslighting and embrace healthy boundaries. It’s a must-listen!
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More on this episode’s guest:
Deborah Vinall is a Doctor of Psychology, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a certified EMDR and Brainspotting practitioner.
Insta and TikTok: @traumatherapydoc
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More deets on the episode:
We begin with our “typical two” and hear Deborah’s definition of codependency and experiences (related to) codependency from her own life. What are your thoughts on her distinction between having a more passive or rebellious pattern as a child?
We then shift to our main focus: gaslighting.
Deborah answers what gaslighting is (an insidious pattern of behavior/emotional abuse used to undermind someone’s confidence, self-trust, and intuition) and what gaslighting is not. This is super helpful as this is an over-used but under-understood word.
We then discuss what gaslighting looks like in codependent relationships. I share aloud how I wonder if I gaslit my exes in the past, however, Deborah highlights how it really is a “pattern of emotional abuse.” We may gaslight others at times, however, it is important to focus on identifying the pattern.
We conclude with the 4 steps Deborah suggests to combat gaslighting in your relationships:
Awareness: identify, acknowledge, and admit
Institute self-care, grace, and compassion
Set and reinforce boundaries
Yes, boundaries are scary but Deborah emphasizes how it’s important to discern which type of fear it is: newness scary, safety-threatened scary, wanting-to-please-others scary, etc.
Thanks for coming on Deborah!
Questions for you:
How did you feel when hearing Deborah’s definition of codependency? How did it resonate or differ from your experience?
Do you sense you took a more passive or rebellious road in childhood? How come? How has that served and debilitated you?
What was your reaction to the definition of gaslighting?
Where do you see gaslighting in your relationships (past and present)?
Are there any steps that Deborah discussed (awareness, grieving, etc.) that you need to implement this week to rid gaslighting from your life?
Thanks for listening!
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