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-What are the generational cycles of codependency passed down from one generation to another?

-How can first-generation adults balance out their own needs versus the needs of the family?

-If all we do is give, give, give in our relationships (especially with our parents and partners), how do we start to receive?

In this week’s episode, we are fortunate to have Adriana Rodriguez, LMFT, sit down and share about codependency in first-generation children of immigrants. Adriana specializes in working with millennial first-gen clients and bequeaths us with her experiences as a therapist and first-gen herself! You’ll hear her describe codependency as “give, give, give” without receiving “and then we give more!” We discussed how codependents can start to receive and cover the basics: how to say “no,” setting boundaries, and breaking generational cycles of codependency. It’s a must-listen!

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More on this episode’s guest:

Adriana Rodriguez, LMFT, is a first-gen, queer, Latinx therapist based in Sacramento. She works with folx all around California and specializes in working with BIPOC and First-Gen millennials committed to breaking generational cycles, while living with intention and authenticity.

@adrianarodrigueztherapy – instagram

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with hearing Adriana’s conceptualization of codependency. She drops terms like insecure attachment, parent-child dynamics, and other wisdom from psychotherapeutic literature. In sum, Adriana highlights how, in codependent relationships, “You give, give, give. Then, you don’t receive from the other person. You figure you aren’t doing enough so then you give more.” Hit the spot, right?

Adriana describes aspects of codependency in her own life, including those from her childhood. She opens up about growing up in El Salvador, her parents moving away from the time she was a little girl to a teenager, and how all that impacted her: she developed some codependent behaviors to “be enough.” Can you relate?

We then discuss ways that Adriana practices compassion for others who may have contributed to our codependency, including her parents. She also explores with Marissa the ways she is working on both giving and receiving in her relationships.

And what about generational cycles of codependency? Well, Adriana talks about the guilt that often is experienced by first-gen children of immigrants where they believe “My parents did everything for me,” and thus, are indebted to them and can’t say no. What was modeled to us in our families is often hard to say no to, however, we are growing up in a different time, culture, and context.

Adriana points out ways we can start to take “one breath, one step, one moment” between being asked something and immediately responding “yes.” She also adds ways to create boundaries, discern if they are helpful, and find a balance in prioritizing our needs and the needs of others. She mentions “object permanence,” which could easily be a whole episode so we will have to have her on again!

Thanks for coming on Adriana!

Questions for you:

What came up while you heard Adriana’s definition of codependency?
What resonated with you as Adriana shared about codependency in her own life?
How are you at receiving in your relationships? How are you at monitoring how much you give? Is there a balance between how much you give and receive with those closest to you?
Whether you are first-gen or eighth-gen (like Marissa!), what generational cycles of codependency do you have in your family and which would you like to stop?
How can you implement Adriana’s suggestion to take a breath, a step, a moment when you are asked to do something before automatically agreeing?
Thank you for listening!

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