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-In our codependent relationships, how can we become codependent on the version of ourselves that we and others expect ourselves to be?
-What are some ways we can replace the harsh expectations we put on ourselves with self-compassion?
-How do we cultivate self-compassion without becoming lazy, enabling, or self-indulging?
Welcome to Episode 103! In this episode, Dulce Orozco, LHMC, comes on to talk about the ever-elusive topic to codependents: self-compassion. We begin by hearing about ways that codependents often create expectations of themselves based on who they believe others want them to be–like a persona. This version of ourselves then becomes something we are codependent on. To combat this misalignment, Dulce encourages us to practice self-compassion and teaches us the initial steps we can take to be kinder to ourselves. This episode is a must-listen!
More on this episode’s guest:
Dulce Orozco is a Latina Immigrant Therapist and speaker that specializes in working with people of color and from immigrant families.
Because of her personal and professional experience working in private practice, community mental health, psychiatric hospitals, and counseling centers, she is fascinated by culture’s role in mental health and how we perceive ourselves.
Dulce’s Freebie on the Things She Wished She Knew When Looking For a Therapist: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XAfWeSwBylCgBvzm2fTE2sc4XElJpKGs/edit?rtpof=true&sd=true
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More deets on the episode:
We begin with the “typical two” and hear about how Dulce defines codependency (on a spectrum) and ways she’s experienced it in her own life (with family on a recent visit when she couldn’t be present for a big achievement since she wasn’t readily available for her parents and sisters).
Next, Dulce describes ways that we can be codependent on ourselves and the person we are expected to be! Fascinating, yes? I reflect on ways I’ve experienced this in my own life when, in previous relationships, I would take actions and make decisions throughout the day that I sensed my parents or my partner or my friends would later approve of. Dulce emphasizes how we are not acting from an autonomous place when this happens and we just become a certain version of ourselves that we develop codependency on.
How do we start to break this codependency on who we expect ourselves to be? Self-compassion. Dulce defines the concept of self-compassion and ways that she helps her clients cultivate it in their lives: cultivating a sense of deservedness, gratitude, addressing guilt, inviting energy of self-compassion in, and so on.
I highlight how, at times, codependents may find it easy to practice compassion to others but need to learn to channel it towards themselves. Dulce invites us to ask ourselves “What would I say to someone I love in the same situation?” We can also practice asking what do I need, the “one for you-one for me” exercise, point out our small improvements, and cultivate community.
Thanks for coming on Dulce!
And thank you, dear listener, for listening!
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-The Self-Validation Challenge – free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: http://www.codependummy.com/challenge
-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! http://www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email email@example.com to work with me!
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See you next week!
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