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-How come codependents find it hard–or nearly impossible–to dive deep within ourselves?

-What about codependency contributes to our inability to trust ourselves?

-What is ‘Internal Family Systems Therapy’ and how can ‘parts work’ help us develop self-trust?

Welcome to Episode 110! In this week’s episode, I sat down with the lovely Megan Carney, PhD, to talk about how we can learn to trust ourselves. Self-trust is often a foreign concept for codependents, right? Megan shares with us about why it’s hard for us to “dive deep” within ourselves and get to know our thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and desires. As a consequence, we lack confidence and trust within ourselves. Megan spells out ways we can start to develop self-trust: attending therapy, journaling, meditation, movement, and parts work. Parts work? Yes, parts work through Internal Family Systems Therapy, a therapy modality that Megan integrates in her work with patients. We conclude with other takeaways to develop self-trust. It’s a must-liten!

More on this episode’s guest:

Megan Carney is a psychologist who navigates deep feelings and beliefs with persistent, kind, smart, caring people who need support offering that kindness to themselves. She nudges them to dive deep without pushing them off the cliff so they can cultivate better relationships, stop pushing aside their own needs, and enjoy life.

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More deets on the episode:

We begin with our “typical two” and hear Megan’s definition of codependency: giving so much of ourselves that it harms us. She shares about codependency in her life, including with her child, husband, business, and clients.

We then hear about the work Megan does to “dive deep” within themselves. Why is it so hard for codependents to dive deep within themselves?
We have never learned how to!
It is inherently hard and challenging!
It’s scary!
We are too busy helping others dive deep within themselves…duh!

Megan emphasizes how we unknowingly avoid our feelings for good reason: we want to avoid rejection, abandonment, and overwhelm. She encourages we use apps like Shine to get in touch with our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.

We then discuss why self-trust is hard for codependents. Megan describves how we lack confidence, ignore ourselves, focus on others, seek approval, and often wear a mask.

And how can we start to develop self-trust? Megan shares how we can mediate, incorporate movement (like yoga), journal, write poetry, and do parts work. She provides an overview of IFS, Internal Family Systems therapy, a modality where clients are able to get in touch with different parts of themselves: their codependent part, adult part, scared part, hurt part, and so on.

Megan concludes with ways we also struggle with feeling good about ourselves. She reminds us to work on listening to ourselves, making space for our feelings, and creating choices.

Thanks for coming on Megan!

And thank you for listening!
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See you next week!

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