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What is it with codependents being so compliant?

Why do we stay places we don’t want to be and how do we start to leave?

How does our compliance help in the short-term but damage us long-term?

In this episode, we will be answering the question: why do I go to things I don’t want to go to? And how do I stop? We codependents tend to be so compliant when it comes to our interactions with others: we stay in relationships, remain in jobs, and feign interest in meetings that we don’t sincerely want to be in. We will unpack what compliance looks like in codependency, hear from me about a recent codependummy-compliant commitment I made, and how you can start to leave situations that aren’t good for you. There is no need to keep avoiding the rage, rejection, or abandonment from others–stop complying with others so you can start complying with yourself.

Helpful links: – check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). – check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with our ever-familiar check-in. How and where are you practicing tenderness towards yourself?

The lens we are using today to unpack why we continue to remain in places we don’t want to be is from literature from Codependents Anonymous. Great resource:

Here is CoDA’s Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence, specifically symptoms of compliance:


are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.
are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
accept sexual attention when they want love.
make decisions without regard to the consequences.
give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
How does this apply to you? How does this apply to me?

One example from the present time: my joining a board of a local non-profit and being compliant AF for the three months I was on it. I attended meetings I didn’t want to be at, started to fundraise even though I loathe fundraising, and felt all kinds of disjointed on the board. The story concludes with me leaving the board, however, not before I murdered my cuticles during a meeting I did. not. want. to. be. At!

The biggest lesson I learned is that I do not need to stay in places I don’t want to be AND I also need to take time in making decisions on commitments. This will be a challenge for me since my codependency often drives me to say “yes” to others and stay in them out of fear of others perceiving me negatively, getting mad, or feeling disappointed in me. That’s not sustainable!

For you:

How do you relate?

Where are you going that you don’t want to go? What are you doing that you don’t want to do?

Identify one thing to say “no” to this week.

Say “no” and see how it feels.

Align your actions with your priorities

Friendly reminders:

If you’re needing more, get your copy of the confiding codependummy 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you!

Self-Validation Challenge – free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek:

Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email

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