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-How can we create relationships where we can feel truly connected (accepted) AND be ourselves (authentic)? *and why do codependents act like it’s one or the other?

-What tends to happen in our relationships when we start to set boundaries and make healthy changes? (hint, it ain’t pretty! BUT it’s often worth it!)

-In creating healthy relationships, why is it important to identify our “adult part” to care for our “inner child?”

In this week’s episode, Gina Metcalf, LCSW has graced us with her presence, wisdom, and amazing perspective on codependency. Gina shares with us her own conceptualization of codependency and SO MANY HELPFUL EXAMPLES of what it looks like. She describes her observations from her work with clients how, most often, codependency is at the root of anxiety, depression, and trauma. We explore “parts” work, including our adult and child parts, as well as how this can help when we have a codependent meltdown. We conclude with Gina’s perspective on how to persist when met with pushback regarding positive changes and ways to celebrate progress. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

More on this episode’s guest:

Gina Metcalf, LCSW, is the founder of North Star Therapy, based in San Diego, CA and serving throughout CA via telehealth. Gina specializes in working with female identifying individuals from their 20s through 50s around issues of anxiety, depression, trauma, and codependency. Gina herself is a 30-something Mexican American millennial therapist that’s down to talk everything from the neuroscience of trauma to astrology and anything in between. on IG

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start as we always do: how does Gina define codependency? In summary, Gina shares how codependency is “the conscious and unconscious abanadoning of the self.” Ooof! Spot on, yes?

Gina then describes multiple examples from her own life as well as those she has witnessed in her clients. I hope you are nodding along as she lists all the ways we are codependent, including “the big one” where codependents “think they are selfless but take away people’s right to learn.” (Marissa acknowledges how her codependency comes up when people mispronounce her name and she doesn’t correct them. The struggs is real girl).

Gina discusses how she often sees codependency at the root of her clients’ anxiety, depression, and trauma.

We hear about “parts work” and the need to establish our “adult part” early on in our healing journey. Marissa is able to provide an example of when her “child part/inner child” took over when her then-boyfriend was running late. She sure needed an “adult part” to help her calm down!

Gina gives us a reality-check when it comes to the reality of making changes. Yes, we will feel better long-term, however, short-term, we may face negative feedback, resistance, and pushback from others. Gina encourages us to “fight the good fight” but also normalizes why some people end up not making changes to their codependent ways.

We conclude with Gina sharing how she celebrates her progress via a reflection every full-moon. “What do I want to bring in?” and “What do I need to let go?” She suggests we have a reflection time at least 1-2 times per month in order to acknowledge the changes we are making.

Thanks for coming on Gina!

Questions for you:

What came up while you heard Gina’s definition of codependency?
What examples did you relate with the most? Identify the top 3 that stood out to you and why?
Do you agree that codependency is at the root of your anxiety/depression/trauma?
Did you resonate with the need to identify your “adult part” to help along your healing journey? What would your “adult part” recommend the next time you have a codependummy moment?
Have you had moments of wanting to give up when it came to setting boundaries and making positive change? How can you provide compassion to yourself for feeling like giving up after hearing this episode?
What do you want your version of a time-for-reflection-celebratio-and-accountability to look like? Full-moon time with Gina? Start one and let me know how it goes!
Thank you for listening!

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