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The Codependummy Dilemma segment is back!
This week’s episode, listen in to hear me walk through an aspect of MV’s life where she’s caught up in a codependent quagmire. “How do I be myself in social situations?” What’s a codependummy to do?
Listen in to hear me walk MV through her current codependummy dilemma and how she needs to create a “codependency contingency” plan for when she starts to set boundaries in her social and occupational life. It’s not as easy as “set a boundary.” It’s “set a boundary and then lean on multiple coping skills to help you withstand the overwhelming anxiety that comes when we either say ‘no’ or act in alignment with what we want.” Sheesh!
Thank you for listening!
Be sure to join the Facebook group, The Codependummy podcast at facebook.com/groups/codpendummy. I’ll be opening the doors on March 8 to offer live coaching, Q&A, and info about an upcoming course. Request to join the Facebook group today at facebook.com/groups/codpendummy–don’t be a dummy and wait till March 7. If you sign up this week, I’ll send you a free link to my workshop on Communication Styles! Hop on it sis!
In this week’s episode:
-Marissa walks through, LIVE, with a listener, MV, a Codependummy Dilemma she is having where she is having to confront her codependency–how to be herself in social and work situations?
-MV opens up about how she has been rewarded to put the needs of others above her own and how that’s led her to feel exhausted by her codependency as a young woman because she’s always in service to others.
-MV leaves the Codependummy Dilemma with a clear plan for how she can cope with her codependency as she navigates social and work situations where she needs to be “herself” instead of what others expect her to be.
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Deets: in this episode, Marissa sits down with listener MV to walk through a current dilemma she’s pondering thanks to her codependency. As codependents, you likely often get into situations where you are trying to decide: do I do what I want to do or what others expect of me? Should I say how I am actually feeling or stay quiet to maintain the peace? Should I cancel that appointment or keep it lest I disrupt someone else’s plans???
In addition to providing psychotherapy, Marissa is also a Codependency Coach! Unlike therapy which is more focused on the past, coaching is all about the present and future. Marissa asks MV about some aspects of her codependency that she’s experienced in the past but then dives into how that is impacting MV currently as well as how it comes up at work and in social situations.
We start with asking MV about ways she has been raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own. MV talks about how she was raised to be “tough” by her father and she did that to please him. MV then proceeded to be “tough” in order for her father. She would even brag to her father about when she was unaffected by things in order to please him.
MV then shares about a recent experience with her father, in her 20s, when she did the same thing! She was “tough” and helpful in order to get his approval. “He basically praised me for anticipating his needs.”
We then hear how that’s led to her being exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in crap relationships, including the one she has with herself. MV reveals how she it’s “super tiring” to please others. She shares how she often is compared to others, how she tries to “beat” others in comparison, and how she is tired of always anticipating the needs of others. She over-gives and then doesn’t receive in return…IT’S EXHAUSTING!
What Codependummy Dilemma did MV want to talk through? “Who am I?” Her fear of “being herself” in social situations, even if it may lead others to view her negatively.
MV shares how she has been basing her life decisions on what others expect of her. Her grandfather says “do this,” her cousin says “do that,” her parents expect her to “be like that.” She continues to live that out in her life choices.
“How do I be myself? For myself? And not ‘be myself’ because others will want that?”
Marissa helps MV walk through a situation where she had a choice: be myself or be in service to others? She had a crying toddler she was tutoring and his disgruntled grandfather. She ended up being in service to the toddler and grandfather and, instead of staying for the 45 minutes she committed to, she stayed for over 20 hours!
What can she do next time to “be herself?” Marissa helps MV make a “codependency contingency plan” in order to cope with the overwhelm and anxiety that inevitably comes when we assert ourselves, create boundaries, or speak our truth. MV agrees how making a phone call, listening to a podcast episode, and reminding herself how good she’ll feel after maintaining the boundary in order to deal with the anxiety. Marissa also assigns MV journal assignments to write how she can be “herself” at other social gatherings with friends and colleagues.
Please send Marissa an email or DM on how today’s episode helped you with your own codependummy dilemmas. She can forward to MV to help her feel more empowered too!
If you want to be on for the Codependummy Dilemma, please email marissa@codependummy.com
Thank you for listening. Go to http://www.codependummy.com to sign up for my free e-course Codependummy 101!
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