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-In what ways was Listener KT raised, reinforced, and rewarded for putting the needs of others above his own? And how has that left him exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships?
-How did KT’s efforts to negate his needs to maintain his romantic relationship work out? (hint: it didn’t!)
-For KT to start taking up space in other people’s lives, why does he need to plan for the pain that comes along with that process?
In this episode, we had another brave listener come on for The Codependummy Dilemma segment! Listener KT stepped up to the plate to share about how the show has resonated despite him being male (thankfully listening past all the “girl” content) and codependency in his life. KT describes how he was reinforced/rewarded for putting the needs of others above his own, particularly in his friendships. We hear how his codependent ways have left him exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in crap relationships, especially romantically. I then coach KT through making a “pain plan” in order to help him face all the self-doubt, fear, and vulnerability that comes with connecting with others. It’s a must-listen!
Helpful links:
Email marissa@codependummy.com to come on for The Codependummy Dilemma!
http://www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing – check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total).
http://www.codependummy.com – check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!
https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC – help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link!
More deets on this week’s episode:
We begin with hearing about how KT found the show, what has resonated, and how he has been able to listen despite it pertaining to female listeners. Thankfully, KT connected with the stories and being able to relate to all our guests (we hope you have too!).
Next, we hear from KT on how he was raised, reinforced, and rewarded for putting the needs of others above his own. He expands on how codependency took root in his childhood friendships where he played small to avoid the pain and rejection from his dominant friends.
And how is KT now exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships?
KT recalls his codependency with an ex where he accepted “I just won’t get my needs met.” He did all he could to negate his needs but, in the end, he was burnt out. Please note, dear listener, how our codependent efforts to maintain relationships tend not to work!
We shift into the coaching phase and hear how KT wants help “socially.” Due to what relationships have meant to him in the past, he doubts, criticizes, and convinces himself not to reach out to others. So, what’s a codependummy to do?
We talk through steps to help him honor the pain he’s trying to avoid. If and when he feels rejected, reduced, or ridiculed socially, he can:
-get perspective (call trusted others for support, validation, and help with creating context)
-affirmations (create 3-4 specific affirmations about himself as he endeavors to create new and healthy relationships. For example, “I’m trying to take up space in other people’s lives…and part of that process means it’s not going to work out every time. AND THAT’S OKAY”)
-Solitude (being alone without being lonely. KT will “play offense and defense” by spending quality time with himself on a regular basis then also go for walks/runs, bowling, visit places, etc. when he’s feeling the pain of rejection)
He will update us in a month to share how he’s doing with his pain plan.
Thank you for coming on KT! You are a brave and loyal listener! Thank you!
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If you’re needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional options and resources:
-Get The Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of Journaling Prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! http://www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
-The Self-Validation Challenge – free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: http://www.codependummy.com
-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one like the coaching you heard in this episode, please email marissa@codependumy.com
Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC
I will see you all next week!
Helpful links:
http://www.codependummy.com
http://www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
marissa@codependummy.com
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