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Tiffany McLain talks Codependency and Money
What is it about codependency in therapists?
How does codependency interweave with money and therapy?
Can we choose better people to be codependent with?
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In this podcast episode, Marissa speaks with Tiffany McLain, a fee consultant about codependency, codependency in therapists, and codependency with money!
Meet Tiffany McLain, LMFT, a private practice fee strategist whose mantra is, “Full fees are the new black.” Via her program, The Lean In. MAKE BANK. Academy, she helps therapists ethically earn 30 to 50% more per month while seeing fewer clients by showing them how to think about and directly address fees in a clinically appropriate manner.
@tiffanymclain on IG
In This Podcast
Sometimes codependency can benefit us if we choose the right people to be dependent on
Tiffany and Marissa reflect on their experiences with codependency and how their knee-jerk reactions were more about “What does this other person need from me?” as opposed to “What do I need?”
Tiffany provides examples, both recent and long-past, where she was taught to “not see what I see and not feel what I feel.”
To start off, Marissa shares a funny story with Tiffany about how she was dependent and trying to please Tiffany as an instructor when they first met. Tiffany agrees and talks about how we can be thoughtful about who we surround ourselves with so we can please inspiring people, motivated people, and who we feel good being around.
Tiffany talks about what codependency means for her and how she resonated with a story about defaulting to please another person before she can check in or know to check in with herself. She shares stories about her codependency from her 20s and even more recent at 40! Tiffany mentions being a psychoanalyst–a form of therapy that focuses on the unconscious parts of ourselves that we don’t know are there but highly impact our day-to-day decisions.
Tiffany talks about metaphors of her codependency, including being a balloon without anything to tether to or a cork in the ocean just floating with the waves. She discusses the extremes her relationships or experiences would get to because of her difficulty in asserting or maintaining boundaries. She adds the growth and progress she has made in creating boundaries thanks to being a mother and not tolerating the same boundary violations she experienced as a young woman…but still doubts herself, wonders if she is being dramatic, or acting “crazy.” It is evident that the healing and growth from codependency takes time, support, and reflection.
We also delve into how codependency is a form of sef-protection and how we seek safety in pleasing others. When reflecting, it can be obvious that it is self-sabotaging but it is so hard to see and believe if standing up for ourselves was unsafe as children.
Tiffany and Marissa discuss how codependency + money comes up often for helping professionals who often charge lower fees to avoid upsetting or inconveniencing their clients. Tiffany shares how she sees it come up for therapists again and again in their businesses. And then, how her ability to see it in others, led to her recognizing it in herself. She adds how she, as a therapist who uses psychoanalysis, sees codependency as having “aireless worlds,” where one’s identity is only experienced through the eyes of others, namely a parent. “It’s like being a siamese twin!”
Tiffany and Marissa share their experiences working with clients and the healing journey they have ahead of them to resolve codependency. Tiffany shares how we first need to help a client separate from their families/primary caregivers AND THEN how they also need to separate from the therapist.
Tiffany also recognizes how “if you spot it, you got it.” She sees if often in therapists and then reflects on how she may be codependent with the therapists that she works with! She shares about overfunctioning, chasing students in her course, and doing the work for them. Tiffany adds a new motto for all of us codependummies to use that she learned from her coach: “I am responsible to you. I am not responsible for you.” She adds some real-life experiences of worrying it’s her fault and taking action out of guilt–and ways she is taking more responsibility for herself so she can give responsibility to others.
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