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-What does it look like to be addicted to another person?

-If we are addicted, how can we detach without the obsession?

-How can we avoid relationship addiction through being independent within a relationship?

Welcome to Episode 150! This week, Dr. Etel Leit joins us to discuss her book, Unaddicted to You. We take a deep dive Q&A where I take quotes and scenes from her book for her to expand on the codependency and relationship addiction she has overcome in her own life. You’ll hear Dr. Etel reflect on the codependency she experienced both at home and in romantic relationships and the impact that had in her adult life. We explore resources for those wanting to detach from unhealthy relationships and how one can do it without feeling so obsessive. To conclude, Dr. Etel describes how one can be independent within relationships–what a concept! It’s a must-listen!

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More on this week’s guest:
Dr. Etel Leit. Dr. Leit is a leader in human communication research, family addiction advocate, professor, author, and mentor. She currently serves as a professor at Sofia University and is the owner of SignShine, a parenting center located in Beverly Hills. Dr. Leit is also a prolific author. Her third book, “UnAddicted To You – Loving Yourself Through the Darkness,” has become a best-seller and can be found on the shelves of Barnes and Noble.

Her book:
>>> Free Relationship Diagnose:
>>> How to Stop People Pleasing:
More deets on the episode:
We begin with Dr. Etel’s definition of codependency: putting someone else as your higher power/God. That someone else could be something, a partner, one’s boss, parents, children, people, places, or things.

We then take a deep dive into Dr. Etel’s book, Unaddicted to You. Here are the quotes she expands on:

-I looked at everyone with a magnifying glass yet refused to look into my mirror… Dr. Etel reflects on the codependency from her childhood as well as her adulthood and emphasizes how she struggled to hold a mirror up to herself which made it impossible to access her intuition.

-I am terrified to speak about it. know full well that if I dare to bring out the truth, it will certainly destroy me. It will create violent chaos with no way back. It will be better to pretend, hide the fact, and shove it deep into a hidden cabinet so no one will find it. But the truth keeps growing, and I need to block the door because it is in danger of bursting off the hingest. Dr. Etel shares on how we fear the repercussions will be so bad, that no one will believe us, and question ourselves which makes it hard to leave an abusive relationship.

-“You are sick, too…you need help, go to Al-Anon.” Dr. Etel recalls her attendance in Al-Anon, psychotherapy, utilizing music, meditating, and building a support system as ways she was able to fight her codependency.

-…I can admit it. My addiction was Dan. My addiction was judging him: looking and finding his faults, his blameworthiness, searching with extreme delight for his rotten skeletons in hidden closets…I will take care of myself. I will fight this compulsion. I will find myself in all of it. I will deal with this obsession. I will go back to my children and I will choose life! Dr. Etel recollects choosing herself by setting healthy boundaries and how she was able to stop micromanaging others, including her ex-husband.

-When you help someone, consider if they can help themselves…If you realize that you worry more about them than yourself, then you must turn around and start reclaiming your life. We conclude by hearing Dr. Etel’s suggestions on how you can be independent while in relationships.

Thanks for coming on Dr. Etel! And thank you for being here, dear listener!
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